Don’t Let Money Destroy Your Happily Ever After

Ever heard the expression money can’t buy happiness? To some extent, that popular saying is true, but just how much does money matter when it comes to your relationship?  I’ll never forget when my husband came home with a large bouquet of roses. It wasn’t our anniversary or a special occasion, it was one of those “just because” moments.  It was so sweet and unexpected that I normally would have swooned over that moment. However, we had just accumulated some larger bills and were living paycheck to paycheck. I was furious! The $40 he spent on that bouquet had already been budgeted for gas that week, and his thoughtfulness quickly turned into an hour-long argument about his thoughtlessness.

Financial arguments are very common within marriages. Forbes published a study conducted by the Institute for Divorce Financial Analysis, citing that financial stress is the third leading cause of divorces. This statistic is alarming, but financial strain doesn’t need to be the demise of your relationship.

The Horrid Budget

Most people would rather do a lot of other things besides tracking every penny they spend and creating a budget. What’s the fun in that? However, you’ll likely notice that if  you create a budget and stick to it, you’ll enjoy the things you do splurge on more because they are planned and you’ll have less anxiety about potentially overspending or arguing about it. It is crucial that all expenses including bills and miscellaneous expenditures are calculated as well as leaving some margin for unplanned situations. A budget is a roadmap that provides some structure and expectations so couples know what is okay for them to spend without resulting in bills not getting paid or them sleeping on the couch for the night. It is also great for helping couples dream about their future and plan goals to make it happen.

An Allowance

Yes, I’m serious, and yes, I’m aware our readers are not children. Although it may sound silly, having some spending money set aside for each spouse allows for some self-care spending.  Maybe they had a rough morning and wanted to splurge on a $5 Starbucks coffee? Maybe they wanted to go for a relaxing mani/pedi or a round of golf with the guys to unwind. Having allotted spending money allows you some freedom to choose what you want to do with it, rather than having to account for each coffee or pair of shoes you just had to have. Go for it! It’s already a part of your budget! It also comes in handy if you want to surprise your spouse with a night out or a gift “just because.”

NO Secrets

Honesty is the backbone of trust within a relationship. Many couples will often avoid talking about items that they purchased so as not to start an argument. A Time survey indicated that 6% of couples hide a financial account, and 35% state it’s to avoid conflict.  Talking to your spouse about all the financial responsibilities and goals will encourage trust and communication, but will also position you as a team working toward the same financial goals.

Financial Goals

We all need things to work towards. What do you and your spouse want to achieve? Goals such as a good retirement plan, house purchase, vacations, planning for children, or school. Both spouses must sit down and discuss what these goals are so you both can be striving for the same things. When you know you are working as a team, you know there is accountability and you also take pride in doing your part. Every so often, sit down and reevaluate your goals – it will also be motivating and rewarding as you make progress towards some of them.

Financial stress can be very damaging to a relationship. If you are struggling, it’s important to contact a professional to help you devise a plan. Family Therapy Associates has walked this path with many couples who have been successful at improving their communication and trust that has been damaged over financial stress. You are not alone, and we can help. Click here to schedule an appointment today.