How to Maintain Connection Despite the Distance

As a military wife, I’ve spent many hours, days, and months away from my husband. I am all too familiar with the struggle of a long-distance relationship. Trying to stay connected, but also trying to be present where you are, dealing with jealousy or concern because you can’t be with your partner, trying to sync up times when you are both free to call or facetime, and of course trying to keep the spark alive when you may not even be in the same country. The list could go on about all the frustrations that come along with keeping a relationship positive and healthy when you aren’t able to see each other as frequently. Despite all the challenges, an estimated 14 million couples are currently in a long-distance relationship! That’s a lot of people who don’t live near each other but still want to make their relationship work. If you are one of these people, here are a few major factors in making the LDR (long-distance relationship) a long-term relationship.

Make a schedule

This is something that my spouse and I have found crucial in long-distance periods. When we didn’t schedule a time that we would both be free to talk, it was really unlikely that we would catch each other when we were both free, so we could end up going a few days before really checking in. Scheduling a time to talk can help you to be more present where you are rather than constantly texting or worrying that you may miss a call. When you know that you have a time scheduled to talk, you can put your phone away and focus on what is in front of you. When you do communicate, try to do so clearly and honestly. Miscommunication at some point in a long-distance relationship is bound to happen, but being able to maintain good communication during time apart is a sign of the strength of the relationship as a whole.

Make your time together count

This one is usually pretty easy and self-explanatory, but I am always surprised by the number of people who say that when they finally do get to see their significant other again, they spend their time arguing. Although sometimes this cannot be helped, when you do get time together, try not to let outside stressors impact the special time with your partner. If they are coming to visit you, try to plan a few activities that you both enjoy doing, or try learning something new together, such as taking a cooking class or going on a historical walking tour of your town. Activities like these create lasting memories and learning a new skill with your partner can strengthen your connection (and your even your passion).

Create hope for change

One of the biggest killers of long-distance relationships is the thought that the long distance may never end.  70% of long-distance relationship breakups are credited to the lack of plans for change, i.e., plans for long distance to change to proximity. In some situations, the long distance was always temporary, such as military deployments, but in others, the distance is more permanent. If you want a long-distance relationship to last long term, eventually the distance must go. Without plans for this or discussions of this, hopes for a future are likely to disappear, and the relationship may go with them.

If you are currently in a long distance relationship and are feeling the struggle, you are not alone! A recent study published in The Journal of Sex and Marital therapy  showed that when comparing couples who lived in close proximity to long distance couples, relationship quality and happiness were much more related to the couple’s individual characteristics than being near or far from their significant other.  All relationships are hard but being away from your partner can present its own unique set of challenges. If you and your partner are struggling in your long distance relationship or even if you just want to make it stronger, we can help. Our team has the capability to call or video your partner into the session so that you both can be a part of the process. Click here for more information about our therapists and their specialties.