What Kind Of Parent Are You?
.If you’re a parent, then you know parenting is one of the most rewarding yet painstaking tasks ever. Children show us a love we’ve never known, they give us laughter and joy, cause a lot of frustration and stress, and sometimes make us feel downright crazy. There is no greater gift than being a parent, but also no greater responsibility. Children look to us for comfort, strength, support, and most importantly, love. A big part of showing them love is ensuring they grow up to be sufficient, healthy human beings. One way to direct them is discipline.
According to this article by Vanderbilt University, there are four different types of parenting styles:
Authoritative
This parenting style provides one of the healthiest environments for children by having high expectations, but also a productive parent-child relationship. This fosters open communication but uses discipline when necessary.
Neglectful
This style is the most harmful. There is little or no attention, care, or structure given the the child. It destroys the child’s trust in other relationships and can be physically damaging.
Permissive
This style of parenting can be very loving and comforting, but it demonstrates poor boundaries and lacks any type of discipline. These parents tend to have little to no rules and struggle with boundaries, leaving the child with no understanding of consequences.
Authoritarian
This can be a scary type of parenting for children. This style provides a strict set of rules, but leaves little room for communication. This upholds the idea of the “Children are to be seen, not heard” mentality. Many of these children experience low self-esteem and find it difficult connecting in social settings.
So what do you do if you and your partner have different styles of parenting?
Identify which style you tend to lean towards.
First, understand how you parent and how your partner parents. Have an open discussion about it. Perhaps even explore why you think you have the tendency to parent as you do – hint: you probably learned it from what your parents did or didn’t do with you.
Stand united in front of your children.
Parents who support one another during a time of discipline will demonstrate consistency, containment, and healthy boundaries to the children. It can help discourage children from manipulating their parents. If you need to discuss it later in private, that’s okay, but try to maintain a united front when children are watching.
Communicate
If you don’t agree with your partner on a rule, how to discipline, or their parenting style altogether, talk about it. Discuss the importance of certain rules, your expectations, and then ask them about their feelings and ideas. Don’t forget to listen – even I you don’t agree. Try to understand their perspective and create new rules and expectations if needed.
Ask for help
If you can’t find a compromise or create rules and boundaries you can both be happy with, it’s okay to ask for help. A therapist can help lend different perspectives and help you understand each other differently.
If you’re a parent, we have no doubt that you love your kids. We also know what a struggle parenting can sometimes feel like and we also know relationships can be tough. Becoming parents is one of the most difficult changes a couple can go through – let us help. If you’d like more information on our team of highly trained therapists who are ready to help, check out their biographies here.
