The world of dating is constantly evolving. It’s challenging, complicated, and downright confusing. Some rules for dating are outdated but we’ve dug up five dating rules that still stand despite the new dating challenges of texting, dating apps, and advice from reality TV. Every year Match.com conducts a Singles in America study. With their research in mind, here are our top five rules for modern dating.
Tips to How to Avoid Dating Failure
Don’t ignore red flags…trust your gut.
Men and women seem to agree that 15 minutes is all it takes for them to decide if a second date is in the making. This tells us that a lot of people rely on their gut feeling and first impressions. Perhaps the ruling is still out after the first date? It might be the second date before any chemistry is felt; that’s okay. But if someone’s behavior is odd or suspicious and it seems like more than just a case of nerves, it’s probably wise to address the issue or consider if it’s a good idea to continue dating them.
Avoid game playing.
Most people have an innate fear of rejection and while playing games by pretending you aren’t interested can give you a false sense of safety, it will likely create the impression that you are distant. If you are interested let the other person know. If you’re not, it’s best to politely let them know. Be honest, don’t play games.
Leave your old baggage at home.
If you are still recovering from a recent breakup, take the time to heal before moving into a new relationship. A rebound relationship may provide a nice distraction and keep you from having to deal with the full depth of your emotional pain. People often jump into new relationships out of fear of being alone. It can seem easier and a lot more fun to jump back into dating than dealing with a broken heart. However, often times when we move on too quickly, we expect our new partner to make up for the mistakes of our previous relationship. This situation is a set up for disappointment and more hurt. It’s crucial to allow yourself the time to grieve, reflect on your responsibility for why the relationship went wrong, and what you want in a new relationship.
Don’t move too fast.
Most relationship experts agree that being intimate too early in the relationship can be confusing or cloud your judgment. When we experience something exciting, our brain releases the chemical oxytocin (also known as the “love drug”). This leads to a sense of euphoria and the idea that we are falling in love. Make sure there are things about your potential partner you really value. To avoid getting caught up in the moment, take time to consider what you like about them and why it is important to you. Give yourself permission to take it slow—emotionally and physically.
Don’t obsess or worry over details.
Ever find yourself wondering what that text meant? Have you caught yourself wondering how long it will take your date to call? Or if you should call them? Whatever you decide, have confidence in yourself and try not to sweat the details. Superficial is super-dated and self-assured in! So even if you feel like you blundered some aspects of your date remaining confident will not only help you feel better about the situation but it is also more attractive to a potential mate.
Here are some other interesting dos and don’ts we dug up from the match.com studies:
- The biggest texting turn-off? Misspellings and incorrect grammar.
- Daters don’t want to receive a second text until after they’ve responded to the first.
- The biggest social media turn-offs? Posting about emotional drama and having too many selfies.
- Checking your phone too much is the worst first date mistake. We suggest putting your phone away and on silent during your date.
Dating and new relationships can be an exciting but it can also feel overwhelming. If you are struggling with dating and relationships or are finding yourself repeating old patterns in a new relationship, contact us. We’d love to help you improve your relationships and answer any questions you might about couples therapy or individual counseling.
Boundaries in relationships are an important part of dating. Check out our blog Do You Need Better Relationship Boundaries?