Some people feel totally comfortable and at ease talking about sex while others would rather avoid the topic at all costs. The fact is being able to talk about sex and intimacy can absolutely lead to a more fulfilling and enjoyable sex life with a greater level of emotional and physical intimacy. If you are one of those people who would rather do anything other than talk about sex, what is it that makes you feel uncomfortable? Was it a taboo topic in your family growing up? Have you had negative experiences in the past? Are you fearful that your partner will reject you or not understand what you want or need?
Research suggests that only 9% of people who feel uncomfortable talking about sex are satisfied with their sex life. Learning to talk about sex can be healthy and even fun. We’ve compiled a list of tips to help you work through your fears and find yourself on your way to a happier, healthier sex life.
Tips to talk about sex:
Spend some time reflecting.
What are your expectations about sex in your marriage? Has your sex life changed throughout different times in your marriage? When was it at its best? When could it have used some care and attention? What is it like now? What factors affect your sex life? Are you doing a good job managing those factors? How important is sex to you in your relationship? Are you comfortable communicating your sexual desires and preferences to your spouse? These are really important questions that people often don’t consider when it comes to their own sexual satisfaction. It might even be helpful to journal responses to these questions or jot down some of your thoughts.
Think about conversation topics about sex that feel most comfortable to you and start there. Maybe you are not comfortable talking to your partner about your desires and preferences just yet. Maybe it doesn’t feel so scary to ask them when they thought your sex life was at its best? Or maybe you would feel comfortable reminiscing with them about a time you had a hot weekend away and what you liked about it. Perhaps it’s easier for you to ask them how they are doing, what they find stressful right now, how they think it affects your sex life and what you can do to help. Whatever you land on, start there and let the conversation flow, working your way up to more intimate conversations about sex.
Take a trip or get away for the weekend.
Research shows 28% of couples report improved sex after traveling together and, of those, 40% report their sex lives are permanently better – yes, you read that correctly – 40% said traveling together had a positive and permanent impact on their sex lives! People also tend to be more uninhibited on vacation and therefore feel more comfortable saying or doing things they might not do at home. A romantic vacation away might open the door for some sex talk and because you’re out of your element, you might find yourself feeling more brave, more excited and a little less worried about how your partner might perceive you or if the kids will interrupt your time together.
Seek help from the experts.
If all of this feels too scary or overwhelming or you’d just like to talk it through with someone, feel free to contact us today and we’ll help you schedule an appointment with one of our relationship experts. We are also hosting an exclusive, luxury all-inclusive couple’s retreat in April and June with a whole day focused on sex and intimacy. We’d love to see you there and help you find your way to a more fulfilling and satisfying sex life.
For more information related to this topic, see our article, 10 questions to instantly improve your sex life.