Congratulations, you are engaged!! Now comes the fun part where you get to plan your day to be exactly as you and your fiancé’ want it to go…or do you? As with any life transition, many friends and family will offer advice and suggestions to help you plan your special day. However, whose opinion carries the most weight? What do you do to keep you and your fiancé’ the focus of the day? How do you decide who makes the wedding planning decisions? These questions can seem overwhelming. Failure to answer these questions can cause the voices of the bride and groom to be silenced in all the decision making and planning.
It is wonderful that wedding planning has changed to allow traditions to be whatever the bride and groom chooses, but there was some simplicity in knowing everyone’s traditional role in a wedding. As wedding planning evolves, some of those traditional roles are becoming obsolete. You may be interested in blazing your own trail as a bride and groom to make your ceremony uniquely yours. Here are some tips on how to navigate and manage all the input you will receive and to make sure you and your fiancé’ remain the focus of the day. After all, this is your day and the beginning of your happily ever after!
Communicate, Communicate, Communicate!
The first step is for you and your fiancé to decide what you want for your wedding. Sit down and discuss what is important to both of you for that big day. This is the time to determine how much you will value the opinions of others, who gets the final decision on the details and hear each other’s opinions about the ceremony and ensuing party.
Brides, even if your fiancé says he just wants to show up for that day make sure to include him because you never know when he will have an opinion and that should be valued. Grooms, make sure you let your fiancé know what is important to you. This may be a good time to adopt the phrase “I do not have an opinion” rather than “I do not care”!
The second step, is to communicate with your support system. Plan a meeting with everyone who will be heavily involved in the planning and financing of the big day. Usually, this would include bride, groom, parents, and any other very important person, especially if they are inputting any money for the big day. This meeting should be when you discuss and decide upon a specific, realistic budget. Be very clear about what each person is responsible for paying for and how much is available for that portion of the wedding.
It is also a good idea to have these meetings often throughout the planning process so that everyone stays on the same page and can give status updates. Share your vision every time you gather as to keep your wishes at the forefront. Communicating with respect and assertiveness to value the opinion of others will help maintain what you and your fiancé want for your special day.
Make a plan, and work the plan!
Once you have a budget, the fun of planning all the details may begin! It is important that once you have made a decision that you stick with it. Too many changes can cause for confusion and added stress. It is beneficial for the couple to choose three to five of the most important details wanted for the wedding. This helps you focus where to invest the most time and money. The rest of the details can be quicker decisions since they hold less “value” to you as a couple. It is a good idea to have one person that is the point person for all of the final details. If you hire a wedding planner, this is their job so feel confident that they can manage this. If you are planning your own wedding, consider having a trusted friend or family member help keep your vision on track.
Learn to say “No, thank you.”
As you move through the wedding planning process you will likely receive advice or suggestions that you or your fiancé do not like. It is okay to politely but firmly reject that offer. This may be difficult if that person is paying for all or part of the ceremony. However, you may respect their position but decline their suggestion if it is not what you want.
Planning a wedding can be a stressful event. At times, no matter how hard they try, some couples get completely lost in the planning of their wedding. This may happen because the person paying feels like they should be allowed to make all of the decisions. Perhaps the couple does not speak up.
Keep it all in Perspective
Keeping a healthy perspective of the planning process is so important. Remember that your wedding is a day – the marriage is for a lifetime. Be sure to keep your focus on the main thing: your relationship and preparing for marriage. An important part of that preparation is premarital education and counseling. Check out our complete online premarital course at https://premarital.drtabitha.com.
A wedding ceremony symbolizes the commitment two people are making to spend the rest of their lives loving each other. As such, the focus of that day should be on what the couple desires. If you find that you are struggling to assert your voice or you are becoming overwhelmed by all of the input while planning your wedding, give us a call and we would be happy to help you learn how to communicate more effectively to have the wedding of your dreams.