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How to Get Back (or Keep) that Loving Feelin’

lovin feelinHave you settled into a boring routine in your sex life? Do you feel that your partner just doesn’t “get you” anymore? Has the daily “I love you” disappeared? You’ve lost that loving feeling, now it’s gone, gone, gone…but wait! Even if you’ve lost the feeling, you can get it back. Better yet, if you’ve still got it, kudos to you–and here are some tips to keep it.

Experts and married couples agree that the simple yet magic ingredient to creating satisfaction in a marriage and greater intimacy is the expression of affection on a regular basis.

Researchers have found that couples with extremely high levels of marital satisfaction express affection in the following ways:

  • Using frequent terms of endearment with one another, like saying I love you, I miss you, you’re special to me.
  • Providing nonsexual touching towards one another, such as giving hugs, pats on the back, foot rubs, or cuddling on the couch.
  • Giving tokens of affection, such as giving your spouse small gifts, that don’t necessarily cost much, but they convey that you love and were thinking about them during the day.

Unfortunately, these aspects of a couple’s relationship is usually the first to be ignored, and there is often a correlation between lack of affection and the breakdown of intimacy. Couples must make a real effort to show affection in the relationship.

Try the following ideas to put a little love back into your relationship:

  1. Send a card or love note to your spouse.
  2. Call just to say “I love you” during the day.
  3. Complete daily chores together and let this time become a time where you can chat, connect and unwind with one another.
  4. Put on a slow song and dance before retiring for the evening.
  5. Give your spouse a list of five terrific memories from your relationship.
  6. Take a blanket outside and look up at stars with one another, as you talk and share your dreams.
  7. Thank your partner for compliments and kind gestures—and you’ll get more of them.
  8. Help without being asked. Look for opportunities to make your partner’s life easier.
  9. Make having fun together a priority. (When’s the last time you went on a date?)
  10. Look for the good in your partner and praise it–too often we see and comment on the negative in our relationships.
  11. Admire each other’s achievements and celebrate together.
  12. Do one thing that can make your partner feel special.
  13. Surprise your mate by bringing home their favorite candy bar or chocolate.
  14. Snuggle up on the couch and ask your husband/wife if you can give them a back rub.
  15. Start each day with a big hug and a six-second kiss. (For more about what a six-second kiss can do for you, see our article, Five Hours to a Better Marriage.)


Making small, intentional efforts every day can help you and your partner connect more and achieve greater intimacy. So what are you waiting for? Surprise your mate today!

Which one of the 15 ideas is your favorite? What do you do for your mate to show affection? We’d love to hear your thoughts.

Need some help getting your relationship back on track? We can help. Learn more about couples therapy.

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