How to Survive Coparenting During the Chaos of the Holidays

Spending the holidays with your own family, even when everyone is getting along, can be challenging. Things can get even more complicated if you are part of a divorced or blended family or if you are co-parenting. The holidays are a time intended for celebration, remembrance, and thanksgiving.  But for some, it can also be a time of high stress. Coparenting during the holidays can be difficult.

Falling only behind the death of a spouse, divorce, and separation are the second most stressful times in people’s lives. Research shows that holidays also fall on the list of people’s most stressful times. Many who have been through a divorce or separation experience painful loss and grieve their marriage and relationship. The holidays, an already stressful time for some,  coupled with divorce, co-parenting, and/or blended families, can exacerbate already heightened emotions or bring about flooding of emotions. Sharing time with kids, breaking old traditions, creating new ones, new siblings or step-parents, and in-laws (in addition to the normal stressors of gift buying, traveling, and holiday parties) can feel undoubtedly overwhelming.

Below is your guide for some practical ways to deal with these feelings around the holidays.

How to Survive Coparenting During the Chaos of the Holidays

Recognize these seasons are temporary

While the stress may feel overwhelming right now, know that things can and will get easier over time. As each holiday or event passes, you learn more and more about what works for your family and what doesn’t. Take a deep breath and look at this season as an opportunity to heal, learn, and improve.

Communicate logistics and issues well in advance

A key component of co-parenting during the holidays is communication. Giving someone notice about a change in logistics or a potential issue gives them more time to plan and respond than if you drop it on them last minute. When people feel rushed or anxious, they tend to get more defensive and are more likely to shut down or escalate into conflict.

Extend grace whenever possible

Showing compassion and grace can help reduce negativity and create a more positive environment. We all have moments where we could use some grace. The hope is that if you extend grace when you are able, your family will do the same during a time when you could use some forgiveness or understanding.

Manage your expectations

Ensure you are not going into the holidays with unrealistic expectations. You can check your expectations by asking yourself if there is a high probability that the other person is capable/willing to follow through. Or, is it likely you will be let down based on past experiences with this person? Sometimes it helps to talk to a friend or family member. But keep in mind that they may be biased. If so, a great way to discuss your expectations, disappointments, and priorities is by talking with a therapist.

If you find the idea of the upcoming holidays with your family, old or new, overwhelming, or are struggling with intense conflict with your family, consider letting one of our highly trained marriage and family therapists support you during this time. We specialize in helping divorced/separated families and blended families co-parent during the holidays and throughout the year, and communicate effectively. Click here if you are ready to schedule your appointment today.